SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
