And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
