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I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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