He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
