Im at strip club and am horny
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
