3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Two words: blizzard sex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
