my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
