how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
