I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
