I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
