She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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