I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
