woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
