Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
