somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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