i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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