You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
