you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
