she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
