We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
