It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
