about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
being pregnant is like rehab
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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