we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We are two peas in an std pod
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
