I think i peed on brittanys purse
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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