Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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