Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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