I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
