she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
