it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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