The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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