Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
