they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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