dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
