I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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