This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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