I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just high enough for therapy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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