i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
