Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize