If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
