I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
