Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
