I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
