Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
