if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
