Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
