Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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