Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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