so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
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I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
