Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
