I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My dick has a subreddit
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
